After you have set up the perfect profile and put up the perfect picture it is time to start dealing with the responses that you are going to receive. While you will be going through the profiles of different women, remember they will be looking at yours as well. There are definitely some things that you should and should not say when you are responding to emails and messages from potential dates.
Rule 1: Grammar
The first rule is to be literate. Do not respond like you would in a text. Make sure that you use correct spelling and punctuation. Appropriate grammar will make you seem intelligent and by using good grammar you are more likely to get a good response. Using terms such as: wont, wat, u, ur, etc. will just make you look like a fool.
Here is a list of words that you should never use when responding to someone at an online dating site:
All of the terms above will make the woman run the other way. Imagine how you would feel if you received a response such as “U hot, I realy luv your hair.” This type of language is a strong deal breaker. If you take the time to use correct grammar and spelling your response rate is going to increase dramatically.
There are some exceptions to the “net speak” rule. Using lol or haha does not seem to affect the reader and will not necessarily ruin your chances of getting a response.
Rule 2: Do Not Use Physical Compliments
Most guys are guilty of breaking this rule. Men tend to think that using words such as sexy, beautiful, and gorgeous are nice things to say, but they are not what women want to hear.
While most people enjoy getting compliments, when used as a pick up line before you have even met the person they just feel kind of gross. Aside from that, when you tell a woman that she is gorgeous, chances are you are not.
General compliments seem to work quite well. Terms such as awesome, it’s nice that, fascinating, and cool, all seem to gain positive results. However, using terms such as cutie, hot, beautiful and sexy all seem to lower your chances of being responded back to.
Pretty is one word that is tricky. When it is used as an adjective it is a physical compliment. However, it can also be used as an adverb such as I am pretty good at baseball and when used in this manner it is just seen as another word.
Using pretty much, pretty good, or pretty sure, are all okay. Avoid using terms such as very pretty, your pretty (grammar error as well) and you’re pretty.
Rule 3: Try a Greeting that is Unusual
Salutations are something that most people tend to not really think about. However, how you start your response can tell a lot about you and there are some salutations that work better than others when trying to meet someone online.
The best responses came from these salutations:
- How’s it going
- What’s up
The worst responses were from the more average hi, hello, hey, and holla. Even though hi, hello, and hey are three of the most popular ways to start a conversation, people do not respond well to them on-line for some reason.
It is actually best not to use any type of salutation at all if you are trying to get a response. Just simply diving into what you want to say tends to work well as the hi, hello, etc. just acts as a filler and is really unnecessary.
Rule 4: Be Specific
There are several words that can be used and be effective in describing ourselves such as tattoo, studying, literature, metal, vegetarian, etc. These terms are all referencing something that is important to the person that is reading it. Make sure to include things that you are truly interested in and be specific.
Finding things that you may have in common with another person is the best way to make a connection, especially when you are online and there is no way to use body language to show that you are interested.
Use “niche” words in your response and you are more likely to make a connection that works. Nearly every type of niche has a positive response rate and this is one of the best ways to handle any contact that is being made or to reach out to someone that you are interested in.
Rule 5: Be Self-Effacing
Using words such as kinda, probably, awkward, apologize, and sorry all help create successful messages for men. While most real world dating advice is telling men that they need to be more confident, it turns out that when trying to respond to someone on-line, being a little self-effacing can truly help your cause.
The reason for this is because these words tend to make the writer seem a bit unsure of himself, which is less threatening to most women.
However, it is important to note, you should not let the vulnerability shine through so greatly that you then appear somewhat desperate. Make sure to never use the word please as it can be devastating to your response rate.
Rule 6: Religion
Unless you are using a Christian dating site, mentioning your religion will only help if you have no religion at all. While some people may find this irritating, the facts are that women respond better to men that state they do not have any religious association. When responding to women those that say they are atheist have the highest response rates.
From there, it ranks as Christians, Jews, Muslims, Allah, and Jesus. Those that use god in their responses have the lowest number of return responses.